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Reflections on Self Discovery

Posted on May 20, 2016 at 9:25 PM

2015 was a wild wonderful crazy year for me; experiences good and bad. Self journeys and much learning.

My weeks on the road doing Rte 66 halfway (Amarillo TX) gave me beautiful photos to use in my studio and inspire paintings. New friends, new adventure. My heart would get so full at the sights.


Oh, the places I went and the things- in those reflections- that I discovered; myself for one thing-and I want to discover more. So much more. Don't we all? Isn't that the profound question in a Life? Who we are?

Though I can say I was lucky enough to be raised well, I find I still often react to things dependant on how my parents would see the situation.  I'm gosh darn 56 years old and still do that. Time for this bird to fly the coop. Not due to them- but due to myself. My swinging of arms on the edge of my mental family nest- never quite jumping off to fly.  I pay my bills, work, graduate college, get married,raise a family and i still can feel like a kid in a sandstorm. Lost, confused and looking for mom to save the day. I suppose most people are like that  in many ways. Realizing that, well it's a start. And if I was raised right, have a set of morals, beliefs and a good heart- why am I not using my own feelings and trusting my wants and choices to be right.? I do, but theirs sneak in. Am I still looking for acceptance and acknowledgement from others that are now in my care or gone? Is there something wrong with my feelings and likes and dislikes. Why the doubting? Why are mine not as legit and more so- it is my life after all, shouldn't I be myself by now?

Not my Mom's kid or my family's daughter or sister; though I certainly am molded and swayed by those. Not just a Mom and wife- though those are the fiercely proud badges I wear and have earned and love having on my sleeve. I found I am still the child who wonders in awe, still the warrior ready to take on the world, still the artist seeking to explain with pen and brush what I feel when I see. That the lover in me still beats with a heart that is easily overloaded with emotion, and the muse- well, she's typing....

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