|Posted on July 30, 2015 at 10:00 AM|
( This is one of mine; "Marsea Mermaid" 24x30 acrylic on canvas)
My daughter has a friend that blogs and writes beautifully. Tommie recently expressed herself again in her wonderous relateable way about breathing in Life and not holding back. Her words spoke volumes and attached themselves in my heart and to my own thirst for room to breathe. For mutual understanding that holding back and not living to your full potencial can suffocate on many levels. In my universe it's my artwork- by painting what I think I should paint. what I think would sell, what I think is accepted. That has turned me into a craftsman (woman) for many years rather than an artist. For continually chasing that elusive ghost of acceptance by family and others. By not just finally finally seeing that I am not others and they are not me. I cannot expect them to be and my growth is not dependant on their understanding of it. It's a frightening thing to let go of that net I have created and held so tightly to for all of my life. To swim in an open sea. I feel like I'm still floating timidly in the harbor- but at least, at the very least- I jumped in off the dock, and swam.
I smile thinking of it that way. Being in the pool with the other silly swimmers for so long and not realizing that we were in a tank. Not realizing that there were others like me- yearning and growing and on their own journey. I salute that now- so much more than I ever have. I raise my cup in praise and bow in respect. Its a hard swim and in the midst of a stroke here and a floating break there- we look over, and recognize each other. Same tribe- same quest. Different words and struggles, but the same.
I'd like to see all of "us" as mermaidians- unique and beautiful. Maybe that's why I paint them. Mystic storybook creatures that can do things that I cannot do. Ha. I'm sure if they existed that they'd have their own dramas. Oh, but the thought of it- the seamless swim through the waves or dance with the dolphins and whales. I like that idea. Much better than drought ridden land here in Southern Cali and freeways and stressed out unaware people who take no time to be kind to others or to themselves.
Categories: Life and our Hearts